bigdogstonebutch

That does not mean I can not or do not feel. It does not mean I cannot cry, or that words can not cut me. I cry at movies. I tear up when I hear a very painful story from a friend or a lover. I feel and I feel deeply. I have fierce sentimentality and protective nature of those I love. I am not trying to be a male. I have many more "manly"traits then "womanly" traits for lack of better terms. But I am not a male. I am my own kind of man. A Stone Butch Man. I am not a woman in any sense of the word. Don't call me "she" or "her". Masculine pronouns fit me better.

I *am* a stone Butch
I can not describe to you what that feels like. To have the biology of one sex and the blending of 99 parts male/1 part female in my heart and soul. To look in a mirror and see a stranger with a stranger's body parts. Unnerving. To have the world try and cram a foreign "woman" culture down your throat and you keep regurgitating because it does not fit. It is not that I chose not to swallow. I just could not. It was not a choice. I don't do roles. I am what I must be.

I am a stone *Butch*
I was born this way. My Butch identity does not depend on the time of day or the mood I am in. It is with me 24 hours a day every day of my life. I never feel "femme". I can *not* wear female clothing and feel any semblance of dignity or congruence with my soul. I do not choose to do things or choose not to do things based on whether I think they are Butch or not. I just do what pleases me and interests me, and because I am a StoneButch, those things that interest me tend to overwhelmingly be things our society labels as "male pursuits". I feel at home in my men's clothing. They are as natural to me as is my hair cut and my love and desire for femmes. I am attracted to femmes exclusively. My Femme rocks my soul.

I am a *stone* Butch
I love my Butch brothers. I love my andro and feminine lesbian sisters. But I lust after Femmes. They touch my soul in places where I can not go myself. They are the flip side to my coin. They ARE an integral part of my Butch experience. They understand it and me as no other group can. I love to touch my Femme, to make her body sing and explode from my power. I feed off her trust in me to control and drive her pleasure. I crave the intimacy both spiritual and physical. I can let her in to the parts of me that I feel comfortable with in myself. I can let her touch me and love me as long as she supports my Butch masculinity and does not try to touch me or love me as I do her, or she may have done to women. Because I am NOT a woman. To touch me in that way is to deny my soul. It is to deny that you see ME. It speaks volumes about the Femme's understanding of me. To be a Femme and to love me is to understand that what I do to her, what feels good to her, will not be the same for me. She will not try to "cure" me of something which has no cure nor does it require one. A Femme will love me and understand our differences and will revel in them as much as I do. I am stone. But I am alive and breathing and human and love to love and be loved.

I am a Stone Butch.

Big Dog